so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
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you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
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Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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