I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
