wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
