told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
