She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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