The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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