Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while Iβm over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize