Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
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