I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
