Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
