I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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