I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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