I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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