loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
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