Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Randomize
