The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
