Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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