We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
