I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
