I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
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