***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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