Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
