Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
