her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
