My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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