shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
