I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
And then the night went full on bisexual.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
