Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
