he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
