i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
