Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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