I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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