i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
