hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
