After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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