I look better un-naked...
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
