I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
