i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
