So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I'm at about main and main street
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
