just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize