GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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