Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
