I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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