Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
foreskin is a definite game changer
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
