Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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