I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
No I am not eating basil off your cock
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
