I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
