The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
