i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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