not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
