I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Randomize