If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
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