I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
