I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
