Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
