The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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