I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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