By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
