Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
