Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
