I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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