the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I did not marry a roomba.
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