He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Randomize
