Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
