I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
