Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize