I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
